One if by land, two if by....

We're hearing that the enemy is planning an invasion by land. Only one answer to that...

LeRoy, meet Snoop-Dogg

Nothing gets between Snoop and a fleeing squirrel, LeRoy W. Brown. Nothing.

Robo-antidote

Picked up some Web chatter that a Robo-squirrel was headed our way. I brought this up with the border collie, who was leafing through the Atlantic Monthly. "Really?" he asked, arching a brow. He called a buddy of his at the scrap yard and they're sending over something to help us out. Border collie will only say that Robo-squirrel will find it VERY attractive.

Spring break

Highs are in the 50s, creating quite a ruckus in the backyard. Spring break is in full bloom.

Me and the border collie know it's best not to mess the the party goers, so we're just standing by to make sure nobody starts a fire.

Almost too easy

The border collie could see I was down, so he took some time out from his As It Happens podcast and said we should have some fun. So he whipped up a sign and propped up the BBQ kettle with a stick. Didn't take long to lure the natives.

Should have seen this coming

Looking back on it, the signs were there. Cal started out strong. Hit the treadmill for a brisk 45 minutes. Pumped iron, 3 sets of 15 reps. Checked the perimeter without even being asked.



Then he kept asking to check the perimeter. He'd hop off the treadmill in the basement and head upstairs. Except I wouldn't hear the door open or close for a while. A couple of times I didn't hear the door open or close at all. Finally, I heard the door open and not close. After a while, I checked things out.



No Cal. I walked around, puzzled. I asked the border collie, but he was busy reading The Economist. Then i realized something else was missing.....



....my snack accomplice had skiddadled as well. A couple of hours later I get a phone call. From the bus depot. Cal and his bride are off to Flint, Michigan to start a new life. Cal says he fell for her sleek lines, her multiple settings and her way around the kitchen. But Flint is the Rust Belt! I pleaded. Not a good place for you two! Too late. He's head over heels, or in his case, handles over spatula. And me? I'm out an assistant and my snacks.

No pain no gain

When they give you lemons, whine. Then make lemonade. Then toss it out and have a soda. While we get the runaround from the robot shop bout the muffed order, we're moving on to some spring training for the new arrival. His name is Cal and he's taken to the treadmill, working on those lungs to get maximum pursuit range...

...we're also working on those pythons. He'll need a tad more brute strength...

...we'll need to do something about that goofy expression. It doesn't strike fear into the opposition, it induces snickers...

...because the natives are in training, too.