Bait and switch

Well, we finally extracted the package from the bowels of UPS. Did you know UPS drivers wear shorts in winter too? No wonder they're crabby. Grow some fur. I scribbled a signature and then dived in, ripping away the cardboard. What emerged from the packing peanuts was, well, not what we were expecting. The model A101-B is, well, a different breed from the model B101-A, which is what the border collie assures me he ordered.

Now I'm not saying this model isn't going to work out, but it does lack the sleek lines of the Model B101-A. Not to mention its range of squirrel pursuit. The Model B101-A can chase down a squirrel from 30 feet. The Model A101-B can, well, make choo choo noises.

I'm considering a backup plan while we show Model A101-B around the yard. There's a pitbull a few blocks over who loves Monty Python's Holy Grail. He has the garb. He might be the way to go. Except he demands a lot of Spam. On soda crackers.

Might be worth paying up, though. I sense the natives are restless...

Why does god hate me?

Delivering a package shouldn't be so hard. Especially when you've paid a premium rate. I don't remember being out of doorbell range, but come Monday afternoon I discovered yet another failed delivery attempt notice on the front door. I asked the border collie about it, but his head was wrapped in headphones and Stan Getz was playing pretty loud. I tried to call the phone number on the notice, but got a recording. They make one more attempt today. Meanwhile, we're supposed to get 3 inches of snow. The natives are decked out in winter camo, waiting...

Recovering from the weekend

What a weekend in Hinckley! The slots were good to us, and the bordie collie won one milk bone jackpot after another...

...we saw a great comedian. Henny Doggman had us rolling over with laughter. "Take my cat... please!"

But now, it's back to the grind. Got a note from UPS that a package is waiting for me.

Getaway

Amazon.com now just posts question marks under the track the package function. Where's my high-tech backup? Who knows? All this stress. The border collie noticed....

...and went online, tapped a few keys and said we were off to Hinckley for a weekend at the casino...


...two double beds! And enough tokens to get ourselves in trouble. The boarder collie says to let him do the talking, especially when we call room service. We'll be back Monday. In the meantime, we hired a temp to mind the yard. Found him downtown, wearing a sign that said, "Will Stand Still For Food."

Oops

That Twister idea worked great -- until the bunnies showed up. Turns out, they flip over Twister. Can't get enough of it. So they moved in about 1:30. Rabbits don't do anything halfway and they show up in big numbers. They made one heckuva racket and they must have ordered 50 pizzas. Did they offer me a slice? No. And, now, shredded cardboard is everywhere in the alley.

Milton Bradley to the rescue...

So, it was the border collie's idea. We heard all sorts of chattering this morning. Not enough, mind you, to coax the border collie away from his collection of Thin Man movies. But it was loud enough to inspire an idea: toss that old Twister game in the alley. Sure enough, they were putting the right front paw on blue and the back right paw on yellow before you knew it. And we have a peaceful day ahead of us...

Thanks, Cliff

Amazon.com package tracker delivered some bad news: my high-tech partner, which was supposed to arrive this weekend, is somewhere in the Yukon. Should be in Winnipeg by Tuesday then on a truck to Grand Forks, a snowmobile to St. Cloud and then a Chevy Monza to St. Paul by the end of the week.