Them Days

Yes, it's been hot. Everything slowed down, sort of like in the South. Only without the sweet tea. The border collie prefers Gatorade and a lemon. We stayed indoors most of the week watching The Avengers on DVD. I've been keeping watch, but things were pretty quiet. Until this morning, that is. The humidity broke overnight and now it's Canada all over again. I suspected that the natives who've been splayed out on branches much of the week would be out running their traps...



...I was right. And I was right on their heels up the side of this tree. So close I could see their little hind leg muscles quivering. If I had only been wearing my spikes, I would be flossing my teeth with squirrel tail.

Sheriff is back in town

You are up there somewhere, counting your blessings. I was on you and you know it. I saw the white of your rat-like body when I flipped you. I want you to know I let you make it to the tree. I had no choice because one of the housemates was telling me to back off.


I'm back, natives. My white teeth flashing. I'm back. It's going to hit 100 degrees today. I'm as hot as the weather and you'd better not stray far from the nearest tree.

Analog dog days

The border collie wanted to catch the Twins-Cubs game, so we flicked on the TV. Nothing. Well, nothing besides a bunch of confetti. "What the???" the border collie mumbled as he futzed with the rabbit ears. Still nothing. "Check the aerial," he told me.



Well, we shouldn't have been surprised. One of the natives was doing a song and dance up there, chittering like a madman. "Get away from there or I'm coming up," I barked. Behind me, I heard snickering. I'm hearing more of that lately than I'd care to admit.



I wheeled around and caught an earful from Mitch, The Pizza Eating Native. "He's not the problem. You analog guys are outta luck," he mumbled, gnawing slice of pepperoni. "Time to start stealing cable."

Calm before the storm?

It's been quiet. Weird quiet. Too quiet. The natives have been suspiciously absent. Maybe all me hard work has paid off. Maybe this will be a summer of peace.


The border collie shakes his head when I say this. Check out that crew from the power company, he advises as he flips through an Orvis catalogue. Something's up.

Beatin' the heat

The border collie heard it first. "It's raining," he said. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. I thought he was in insulin shock. It's been in the 90s, way warmer than we're comfortable with especially this time of year. Sure enough, I heard it too. A whooshing sound. Water. I grabbed my leather flying cap and headed out to investigate. It didn't take long to figure out what was going on. Right next door was a long line of natives waiting to use the newly installed weather beater.


OK, I admit it. I ducked in the house and grabbed a shower cap and took my place in line.

Gesture

We're back from two not-all-that-relaxing weeks off. The border collie got sick during our vacation and now we have to stick him with a needle twice a day.


The border collie won't admit he's sick. He calls it a plot by the white coats to extract more dead presidents from a couple of working dogs.


I'm worried. I've gotten used to the border collie and, well, chasing the natives is now completely up to me -- squirrel and rabbit aren't part of the approved diet the white coats developed for the border collie. I was pacing the floor when the doorbell rang over the weekend.


I opened the door to find this basket on the doorstep with a note to the border collie. We hope you get well soon, it read, signed, the natives.

On holiday

The housemates are wandering around in Ireland for a while, so we're taking a holiday of our own for a bit. The natives say they'll behave. We'll see.