Tough one

So, one of the housemates spends a surprising amount of time following a football team that doesn't win many games. We just sort of keep our distance. He posts a flag in the back 40 every Saturday and glumly retrieves it the next day, mumbling something about how he needs a better hobby.


The South Dakota State Jackrabbit

Saturday, the game was more distracting for me than usual. I couldn't get the mascots out of my mind.... I'm not sure why....


The Minnesota Gopher

...the whole thing made me very hungry....

Aftermath

After a rowdy Sunday, it was very quiet around here Monday. Too quiet. The border collie suggested the natives were exhausted from their winter prep. I wasn't convinced. I took a stroll around the front 40 and found this guy, clueless to the world, mumbling something about somebody named Favre. Turns out the natives are rabid Packer fans. That shouldn't come as much of a surprise. The border collie and me, we're neutral. Been that way since that trip to the vet when we were puppies...

8

Wow. I feel this one. I'm 8 this week. We don't know actually what day. All I remember is a pair of speckled legs. Didn't get a lot of time with my momma dog or my brothers and sisters. I had a tough start. It's better now, but I still get blue now and then. On top of that, it's gray and rainy. The border collie pretended not to know what was up, but he's been busy...



...this morning I found this cake under the kitchen table. We're keeping it quiet until the house mates leave. The border collie's on a restricted diet. Maybe I'll leave a couple pieces for the natives. You gotta stick together when it's gray and rainy.

How cold is it?

Something happened way up in the sky and it got cold. And it snowed. The snow is sticking around.



It's very early for all this. The border collie spotted splotches in the yard and dispatched me to investigate. I thought they were socks, but turns out to be dozens of miniature snowmobile suits. Must be the natives. Unlike the geese and ducks who taunt us on their way south, the natives are stuck here with us all winter. At least someone is prepared...

The World According to Hal

This is all I knew about coyotes when I got the call from Hal, who offered up some expert advice on dealing with our latest nemesis -- moles. Little did I know there was more to the coyote than a series of unfortunate mishaps...

Hal met us at the bus -- yes, a Greyhound bus. The border collie brought a satchel of Economist magazines and jars of salted almonds. "You guys are the muscle; I'm the looks. And the brains." Hal shrugged him off and took me out in the field.


Well, I'll spare you the details. Not pretty. There was snarling and screaming and blood and knock knock jokes. I could stomach the blood, but not the knock knock jokes. Anyway, after taking in all of Hal's useful insights and tips, I realized his aggressive approach wasn't for us. Too messy.
So....We've deviced to take the advice of our Canadian friends and try some chewing gum. Only we're going for bubble gum. We're thinking the moles will get carried away, blow bubbles and trap themselves out of sight. That's as good as out of mind. We'd rather everybody go their separate ways.
Call us softies.

Hal had a different word.
I won't repeat it here.

Junket

Well, it took a few days and a lot of -- er -- trial and error, but we think we've finished our mission as far as those mole holes go. I haven't seen any mass exodus or anything, but the border collie advises it takes a few days. Seems to me somebody tosses their business through your front window you're up and out in a hurry, but what do I know?
In any event, we got an email from a distant relative inviting us up north for a few days to talk about other ways to handle the problem...




...this is Hal. And he has some definite ideas on a Plan B. If nothing else, we'll bone up on our howling. We'll be out of pocket for a while...

Mole in one

If we look a little stressed, we have good reason. Since the moles showed up -- yes, there's more than one -- we've been scrambling to research ways to see them on their way. The border collie has been surfing the IntraWeb -- you can tell he's surfing when he has that white stuff on his nose. Anyway, he's found some options but they've all got drawbacks...

You can buy smokebombs that you light and stuff down the holes. The border collie thinks the housmates wouldn't like bombs going off in the yard. I think it would look like a Rolling Stones concert. Jot it on the grocery list and we're on our way... But I was overrruled...

Another site recommends stuffing dryer sheets down the holes. Apparently, moles like their clothes wrinkled. The border collie says he thinks they don't like the smell. We think getting our paws on dryer sheets is too difficult. Tough enough around here making off with a cookie.
Some of the more radical sites suggest a touch of gasoline. Again, something about the smell. Seems like we may get rid of the moles and everything else on the property if things went wrong.

That leaves us with a fourth option that is more practical but very challenging. It has us up all hours practicing...



Turns out that another effective remedy for moles is something we have a lot of -- how do you put it? Oh yes, dog droppings. Depositing a few choice nuggets in one of their holes is an effective way to invite the moles to move on. No lugging dryer sheets, smokebombs or gas cans across the lawn.

But there's the challenge of accuracy. We have little experience in precision pooping. Close enough has been, well, good enough for us. That's why we're heading over to Como Golf Course this morning for an 18-hole practice round.

Fore!